A Time to Build
Destruction Before Construction
Introduction
It’s a new year filled with hope for better days ahead. I have been pondering the building of new things and the inevitable role of destruction prior to construction. As we each push forward to better things, this issue of The Adventure of Reflection will help prepare for the construction challenges of building.
A Minute of Motivation
Life is Like Labor
Obtaining your dreams in life is like giving birth. When you’re working towards something that you really want, you will usually have to go through a difficult, painful, and seemingly endless struggle to achieve it. In childbirth education class I was advised to “take it one contraction at a time.” That applies to life as well. Just focus on getting through the challenges of today; don’t worry about how many hurdles lie between you and the fulfillment of your dreams.
If you’re working towards an important goal and you stop, give up, and walk away, you will remain (metaphorically ) “nine months pregnant” with your dream until you return and finish it. Do you want to be nine months pregnant for the remainder of your life? Your dream will not go away – you must give birth to it. Focus on your dream and do something today to move closer to it. Push forward.
While in the labor of life, remember to relax and appreciate the struggle. The pain is temporary. You will remember the suffering after it is past but you will no longer be able to feel the pain. And, after you have arrived at the completion of your dream, you will have a great “labor” story to tell.
And, lastly, don’t try to give birth to your dreams alone. Remember to share this “labor” of life with someone who cares. It’s good to have a “birthing partner.”
Note. I wrote this about 30 years ago and have never published it. Being pregnant was really special to me, and I was sad these short seasons had to end. To be clear, I was never sad to see LABOR end. But the experience of being pregnant was such a private and wondrous mystery to me. My body was irreparably damaged by pregnancy, and the pregnancy itself had to end in order for new life to emerge and flourish. Pregnancy as a time to build required its own ending in order to bring forth the newly-constructed human. The rhythm of life is like that. Things end before new things appear.
Enjoy Life More
Joy During Metamorphosis
I have been experiencing substantial destruction in my professional world in the past three years. The person I was, as defined by the work I did, has irreversibly changed. Mostly, my former professional self is gone, and who I will be in that void is yet to be fully realized.
I have been thinking about caterpillars and the crazy process they go through, the end of which is to be able to fly. Wow! In biological terms, this is metamorphosis; in sci-fi terms it’s shape-shifting. My husband and I were watching a sci-fi program recently where a young man developed the ability to shape-shift into a chupacabra. The special effects of this transformation were impressive, and the shape-shifting looked extremely painful.
So, I was thinking about the caterpillar changing into a butterfly. Is it painful? Is it scary? It really seems like it would be. Or, perhaps, the caterpillar “knows” the change will be a beautiful thing.
And, when it’s over, and the butterfly flies away, does it miss the cocoon?
We humans get so attached to who we are and the places familiar to us. In our refusal to transform, and our clinging to our cocoons, what amazing experiences are we missing?
I am looking for joy in the destruction of my professional world, and the eventual emergence from its cocoon as something more beautiful. I encourage you to do the same with whatever is being destroyed in your world. Something better can be built in the destroyed spaces. Find joy in the metamorphosis.
Faith Corner
“There is a time to tear down and a time to build.” (Ecclesiastes 3: 3)
Who doesn’t enjoy the final result in a remodeling project? The once dingy or out-of-date décor is replaced with fashionable colors and fresh furnishings. We had our bathrooms completely redone a few years ago; I still marvel at how much I love the improvements.
But, between the old and the new bathrooms was a really ugly time of destruction. It was awful and very stressful. There was dust everywhere. The bare, old framing was exposed. We found a partially decayed rat who had died in the wall. It was horrible.
There is a time to tear down and a time to build. The tearing down is listed FIRST, followed by the building. This isn’t just true in construction projects, it’s also true in personal transformations. The ending comes BEFORE the new beginning, and there is sometimes a really ugly phase in-between.
Out with the old, in with the new, is easier said than experienced. It is, however, the only path to remodeling, in our homes or in our lives.
Dear Lord, thank You for the seasons of life, including the times to tear down and the times to build up. Thank You for having a remodeling plan for my life. Help me to trust You during the ugly times of destruction and remodeling, patiently awaiting the improvements You have planned. Amen.
Poetry Pause
A Time to Build
Ashes
Where once was towering beauty.
Bare earth
Where bushes and trees once thrived.
An empty cocoon
Where a caterpillar used to be.
But wait!
A stronger structure replaces what was burned.
A new home grows in the emptied field.
A butterfly dances above the discarded cocoon.
Things got worse
Before they got better.
Destruction
Proceeds
Construction.
By Cindy MacGregor, January 5, 2023
Note. There has been a lot of tearing down in my life in recent years. I am watching for the rebuilding and metamorphosis.
Old Mom to Young Mom
Prepare Your Child for Suffering
Are your children prepared for suffering? This is a heavy question, one most parents don’t consider. I ask this question because there is an unavoidable truth ahead of your children: they will suffer.
Life is hard. Things we love end. Opportunities we hoped for are closed to us. Relationships become difficult or destroyed. There is no road ahead in life for which potholes, road closures, detours, and rough terrain are absent.
So, are your children prepared? When suffering comes, and it will, how will your child cope? What are you teaching your children from how you handle your own suffering?
As an old mom to young parents, I challenge you to think deeply about the preparation of your children for suffering. This includes thinking about how “well” you suffer.
There are many unhealthy responses to suffering, including addiction, escape, isolation, and violence. Healthy responses to suffering are based in who or what is used as a means of coping. A quick list would include prayer, time with close friends, and counseling. Suffering will come for all of us, including our dear children. Wise parents equip their children for the trials ahead. Prepare your child for suffering.
Dear Dr. Mac
Dear Dr. Mac,
I see anger in me in more of a gradient than an on-off switch; from annoyed to enraged – along a line. Maybe you would call all of it anger. I seldom start out at what I see as anger, but I am not afraid to go there. That is the far end of my spectrum and it takes me awhile to get there. I have found that in my anger I may hurt those I care about, so I try not to start there. Where does anger fit into being a peacemaker? I have more difficulty with knowing what do to emotionally with those who are angry with me. Thanks for making me think.
Signed, A Faithful Reader
Dear Faithful,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts in response to “Sad Boys and Angry Girls” in “Triage.” There is so much to potentially unpack in your thoughts on anger! I agree that anger, like a color, exists on a continuum from light to dark. At the “light end” is irritation or annoyance; at the “dark” end is “rage” or “fury.” In my view, anger is a response to pain, which, like physical pain, can be just slight hurt or irritation to excruciating. A repeated, though minor, irritation can create a deeper injury over time, resulting in a more intense response.
It helps me to think of my anger as a response to pain, and to view the anger of others, also, as a response to pain. It also helps to see anger as a form of self-protection, like quills on a porcupine. Sadly, when we get too close to each other we are likely to mutually hurt one another, like porcupines on a cold night. But, what do we do about this? Honesty and forgiveness are essential for the injuries we cause each other. Honesty about small annoyances can help prevent deeper injury from repeated offenses. The ointment of forgiveness, generously applied, will quickly heal any injuries caused by others. Peacemakers encourage the use of the ointment of forgiveness by other people who are in conflict with each other.
I hope this is helpful. Thanks, again, for writing!
Dr. Mac
To My Readers:
I love trying to be wise. With degrees in psychology and leadership, I have a lot of advice to offer. some of it might even be good. If you would like to hear what I think about something, please send an email to: drcjmacgregor@outlook.com; I will respond via email or in this section of a future newsletter, or both. I hope to hear from you!
You can find all my previous newsletters at https://cindymacgregor.substack.com/archive
Thank you Cindy Just what o needed today💕