All In or All Out?
Beware the Stress of Partial Commitment
Introduction
Where are your commitments? Which of them invite the most frustration and stress? In this newsletter, I invite you to consider the drain of the partial, or “dimmer switch” commitments in your life.
[You can listen to me reading this if you like: ]
A Minute of Motivation
Four Powerful Words: There is a Way!
In the pursuit of your goals you will inevitably encounter obstacles. Sometimes these obstacles will seem so large and immovable you become overwhelmed and believe getting to the other side is impossible.
If you believe something is impossible, then it is. If you believe, however, there is a way to get over, around, or through an obstacle, then a way will become apparent to you, or at least the next step. Think impossible and you will see impossibilities. Think possible and you will see possibilities.
If you are working towards a goal that will improve the world, yourself, or the lives of others, then THERE IS A WAY to move closer to that goal. Open your eyes to the solution, and you will find a solution. For every obstacle there is a solution. When something really matters to you, remember to say, “There is a way!”
Note. Originally published in 1992.
Enjoy Life More
Don’t Be a Dimmer Switch
Commitment has been shown to be an essential component to successful, long-term relationships. For marriage, the “to death do us part” pledge describes a level of maximum commitment. If one or both parties enter into the relationship with an “if it doesn’t work out we can get a divorce” attitude, the stress of every fight will be far greater. This isn’t to say that divorce should never be the answer, but to underscore the stress of an incomplete commitment.
I was recently a part of a very important professional assignment. My efforts demonstrated an “all in” mentality. Then, one day, the path ahead clearly included some aspects I could no longer support. I had been fully committed until that day. Then, like a switch flipping inside of me, I was “all out.”
Are there parts of your life in which you are only partially committed? How stressed are you regarding these relationships or responsibilities? If research about commitment is accurate, the stress you feel about partial commitments is greater than where you are either fully committed or fully detached.
After I resigned from the important professional commitment described earlier, I told colleagues, “I am not a dimmer switch. I was all in, and now I am all out.” And it is working really well for me. I watch the stress of the work I stepped away from and I see it from a peaceful distance.
Meanwhile, I am “all in” for other meaningful assignments. I invite you to think about your relationships and responsibilities. Are you all in? Or do you need to be all out? Don’t be a stressed-out dimmer switch.
Faith Corner
“Live fully by being “all in” in the fullness of God.” (see Eph. 3:19)
God is “all in” for His children. One thing I love about the Bible is how often aspects of life are described as all or nothing, black or white, in or out. Our world is full of so many “well, not always” or “sometimes, it depends” interpretations of situations. How can anyone relax if the rules are not clear?
Good parents know their children thrive when expectations are clear and consistent. Good parents are “all in” and their children are raised with clear limits and complete love. Misbehavior shouldn’t mean the removal of a parent’s love. The child is always fully loved.
And, so it is with our spiritual father. His love for His children is full and complete. He wants us to have full lives. Those full lives happen when we live fully in the fullness of God.
Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for being “all in” for me. Show me the ways in which I am living outside of Your fullness. Help me to surrender those incomplete places to You. I want more fullness of life by being “all in” for You. Thank you for helping me live a fuller life. Amen.
Poetry Pause
Not a Dimmer Switch
I’m all in
Or all out.
If I quit
I’m all out.
No partway
With me.
All of me –
Or none of me;
I am not a dimmer switch.
By Cindy MacGregor, September 22, 2022.
Note. I wrote this poem about myself, obviously.
Old Mom to Young Mom
Always a Parent
Parenting is so “24/7!” Even when the kids are adults, their parents are still their parents. My mom has gone ahead of me, with me journeying on without her here, but I still talk about her in the present tense. She is my mom. She will always be my mom.
For my children, even though they are adults, some raising their own children, I am still their mom. It’s a permanent assignment. Granted, I am rarely awakened in the middle of the night by something they need from me, but that doesn’t mean I am not always “Mom.”
For those of you whose children are still in your home, you feel a burden of “24/7 parenting.” Even when your children are staying with another caregiver, you are still the responsible one. You chose that caregiver for your child. If the burden feels like a “big deal” that’s because it is.
Parenting is an “all in” assignment. Once you take on that assignment it’s yours for always. Yes, that’s heavy, but it is also offered as a comfort. Your children may go through seasons where they reject your parenting, but they cannot nullify your assignment as their parent. There is no “all out” for parenting. Children can be “dimmer switches” in the level of respect and affection they show for their parents, but parents are not meant to be dimmer switches.
If you are a parent, you will always be a parent, even when your child leaves home or leaves this world ahead of you. Take comfort in that fact. Once a parent, always a parent. And that’s a very good thing.
Dear Dr. Mac
If you would like to hear what I think about something, or let me know what you think, please send an email to: drcjmacgregor@outlook.com; I will respond via email or in this section of a future newsletter, or both. I hope to hear from you!
I also want to thank the readers who have sent encouraging messages to me! Thank you Jan, Ruby, Laura G, Ginger, Kennedy, Duane, Laura B., Jody, Kerrie, Tamara, Shelly and others! Your messages mean a lot to me.