Buzzing
Pesky Background Emotions
Introduction
When my husband and I recently returned from being gone all day we heard a buzzing in our home. The annoying sound was coming from the hallway. My husband identified the source – a failing capacitor in our ancient doorbell. He did something and the buzzing stopped. In today’s issue of The Adventure of Reflection I ponder pesky emotions buzzing in the background of our minds and hearts. Thank you for joining me!
A Minute of Motivation
Escape from Addiction
Alcoholics, shop-aholics, work-aholics, food-aholics, TV-aholics, exercise-aholics, and the list goes on and on. What is the purpose in all of this frenzied, addictive, activity?
Addictive behaviors are attempts to escape from intimacy – from deeply knowing yourself or others. To be intimate with yourself is to be deeply aware of how you think and feel about you, your life, your dreams, your fears, and your pain. Being intimate with your pain is often the reason for the escape into addiction. Perhaps as a child you learned that pain was a burden you carried alone, your parents may have let you down and did not help or comfort when you were hurting. Now, as an adult, life is painful, but is there no one who will help you deal with that pain?
There is no need to run from you any longer because of being afraid of your pain, for you are not alone. There are people all around you, look for a friend or a professional who can help you. Let someone help carry your pain by talking to them. There is no more need to run or to hide or to be alone.
Run towards intimacy and openness with yourself and with others, and escape from addiction – it is an empty, lonely cage in which to live.
Note. Written in 1993 and preserved on dot-matrix printer paper. Published here because of how addictive behaviors provide temporary relief from buzzing, pesky background emotions.
Image Note. This image was taken at the tourist lookout in the DMZ in South Korea. Cameras were only allowed up to a certain point, thus the hazy view of North Korea.
Enjoy Life More
Stop Running and Swatting
It’s funny to watch how people react to the discovery of a flying pest, such as a bee or a wasp. The typical reaction is frantic movement including running and swatting. Having grown up on a farm where flying pests are common, my reactions are generally calmer, even though my body reacts with impressive swelling when stung (not a dangerous allergic reaction). I watch and study the pest to determine a course of action which could involve a swatter, bug spray, or encouraging the pest to exit the building.
Flying, buzzing pests are like background emotional reactions. Some people react to uncomfortable feelings buzzing in the background of their minds and hearts by frantically moving around. This continuous movement keeps them from being “stung” by the pesky thought or feeling. Afraid to stop moving, the running and swatting of constant activity delays the pain of the sting. But the pest doesn’t go away. The movement, whether using work, media, or substances, continues.
But sometimes it’s better to stop running and swatting and just get stung. What is causing the buzzing? What background thought or feeling is eliciting the frantic efforts to escape?
I was chatting with a friend recently; someone who had been through a series of painful losses and coped by filling her world with work. I suggested she spend some time writing in a journal about what had happened to her. She said, “I can’t. I would start crying and I wouldn’t be able to stop.” So, instead, she filled her life with the constant motion of excessive work.
I recognized this behavior because I have had seasons of my life where I kept myself so busy I wasn’t able to process painful thoughts and feelings. I learned to stop the frantic motion and focus on the buzzing. I have found a deeper enjoyment of life without the frantic attempts to escape from the unpleasant background stuff. If I notice something “buzzing” in my mind or heart, I calmly pause and focus on it. Where is it coming from? What can I learn about myself from it?
Besides, no amount of running or swatting will help; the pesky background thoughts and emotions are attached to the person who has them. It’s better to pause and trace their source.
Faith Corner
The angels sang, “Glory in the highest to God.” (See Luke 2:14)
A few days ago I asked God for a scripture. He gave me Luke 2:14. I knew Luke 2 was about the birth of Jesus; I didn’t know the specific content of verse 14. Turns out it is a song; the song the angels sang at the birth of Jesus.
I have been thinking about this verse for several days, letting its praise message buzz in the background of my heart and mind. When something irritating or upsetting happens, like when my laptop killed itself on Monday, the buzz of that irritant could be overridden by the gentle buzz of the angels’ song.
“Glory in the highest to God.”
If life’s irritants were pesky bugs, the remedy would be to cover them with praise. It’s like some spiritual bug spray, the buzzing of the irritating thoughts or feelings is quieted, as the buzzing turns into humming. My perspective shifts; my gaze moves heavenward, and the rest of the verse drifts down:
“And peace on earth, good will to men.”
Dear Lord, thank You for the angels’ song, the praise they offered at the birth of Jesus. Thank You for reminding me to shift my mind and heart to praise when irritations of this life distract me. Glory in the highest to You, O Lord. May Your blessings of peace and good will drift down to me, silencing the pesky background buzzing in my being. Help me to rest and rejoice in that place of peace. Amen.
Poetry Pause
Just as I am
With my jumbled thoughts
And my crazy feelings –
Accept me
Just as I am.
My thoughts don’t need sorting,
My feelings don’t need fixing –
Accept me
Just as I am.
My mind should be jumbled
My heart should be messy –
Accept me
Just as I am.
By Cindy MacGregor, May 28, 2023
Note. Acceptance without judgment or fixing is a beautiful gift to offer someone. Being fully present with someone who is upset will help the pesky feelings and thoughts get the attention they need.
Old Mom to Young Mom
Background Childhood Buzzing
Being a parent is intense. There is so much to do, so much to think about, and so much to feel. And, buzzing in the background are the thoughts and feelings from one’s own childhood, triggered by the activity of raising a child.
No parent is perfect. All children experienced aspects of being parented that were inadequate or even painful. Each parent, doing the best they can, raises their children. When those children become parents, the unmet needs and painful frustrations of childhood are awakened as buzzing pests in the background.
It can be quite challenging to make time to pause and listen to those buzzing pests, but they have important stories to tell. Some of those stories might be that your parents weren’t perfect, that no parents are perfect, and that you will not be a perfect parent.
Some of the stories might bring specific guidance about what works and what doesn’t work. Good parents use the good from their own parents and intentionally parent differently where their parents fell short.
And other stories invite forgiveness of the mistakes made by one’s parents. Forgiving the inadequacy of our own parents can release forgiveness for our mistakes as parents.
As an old mom to young parents, I encourage you to listen to the buzzing in the background from your own childhood. These pests have information for you from which you can heal and grow and become a better parent.
Dear Dr. Mac
Dear Readers:
You can find all my previous posts at ARCHIVE - which now has all audio files attached so you can listen to me read any of my previous posts.
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