Even in the most abundantly blessed life there are empty places where someone or something beloved is missing. Whether through death, disaster, illness, or accident, the future we imagined would arrive today did not. What is left are empty places; can we find joy in the blanks?
My Mysterious Mind
Something sad happened to my Christmas plans. I briefly mentioned this in my previous post Not Coming. After months of anticipation and preparation for having both daughters and their families with us at the same time right after Christmas, the bottom dropped out, and the days marked on my calendar for a time filled with five grandchildren and their four parents, became empty. I write to you from one of these empty days, an unexpected blank in my schedule. The tree is ready, the stockings hung and waiting for little hands to search them, the fridge is full of food purchased for our time together. But the house is vacant.
Instead of the laughter of children, my days are quiet, my heart heavy. With parts of my family strewn across the nation, it takes a great deal of coordination to get two of our three children here, in our home, at the same time. In my eagerness to have five of my six grandchildren here at Christmas time I purchased coordinating pajamas, picturing them posing by the Christmas tree, while I tried to take a photo.
As the disappointment gripped my heart, I stared with tear-filled eyes at the lonely Christmas tree and fought the urge to just tear everything down. Note, I didn’t say to take down the tree or put away the decorations. No, in my distress, I imagined myself ripping everything apart and throwing it around the room.
I sat motionless for a long time. Usually adept at finding something good in something hard, I just rested in the sinking sorrow of irreparably broken plans. What good could possibly come of this? I wanted there to be words of encouragement bubbling up from the dark, but I only felt sad and empty.
Then, as one day slipped into the next, I thought of other ways there are blanks in our lives where we expected something wonderful to be. I pondered you, and considered how you might be struggling to find joy in the blanks. For me, it was just someone I loved not coming for a visit, someone I would see again at a future time. This was just an anticipated trip cancelled because of illness. But there are more durable blanks in our lives. Loved ones who are no longer here with us, leaving an empty spot in all our days. For some, an envisioned future is erased by a catastrophe and career plans are permanently destroyed.
Whether an unexpected blank day or the lasting emptiness of a missing loved one, each of us has, and will, experience empty places. Sadness floods into the void, and joy is elusive. How can we find joy in the blanks?
Message of Mystery Acres
On the day my family members were scheduled to arrive, I instead went to church in my hometown with my dad, my younger brother, my niece, her husband, and their one-year-old daughter. After church we ate lunch together at a local restaurant. During the random table conversation, we exchanged stories of land prices and purchases, our own and those of others. There were good deals and stupid ones. My dad didn’t say anything during this interaction.
Then, unexpectedly, my dad said to me, “You should have children come to your property. It’s good for children to play outside.”
“Yes,” I agreed, “our grandchildren love it there. They love to play in the dirt, dig up rocks, and chase grasshoppers.” My brother added, “and sticks.” Yes, they love to invent games and “build” structures using sticks.
My dad’s comment surprised me because, as farmland goes, our property is a complete blank. The soil is poor and rocky. The terrain is rough and uneven. He is an expert farmer who owns several hundred acres where he has successfully produced abundant crops for decades. Our scrub of land isn’t good for any of that. As agricultural land, our acreage is basically blank.
And yet, his comment revealed awareness of finding joy in the blanks. Children should be there. Creeks and trees and rocks and sticks are good for them.
The message of Mystery Acres surprisingly suggests that something blank may not actually be empty. In fact, its barrenness might be hiding abundant riches…and joy.
Ancient Mystery’s Voice
“Great is the mystery of godliness.” (1 Timothy 3: 16)
Who doesn’t love a good mystery? Surrounded by curious and unexpected clues, somehow these bits of nothingness are connected. Drawn in by intrigue, our minds search for an explanation that makes everything come together. “What is going on?” becomes, “Ah, so that’s what is happening!”
Two thousand years ago, Timothy wrote about what he considered the greatest mystery of all, the mystery of godliness. Ordinary human flesh could hold the divine. The creator of the entire universe could fit inside a single person, the person Jesus. How could something so great fit into something so common?
Similarly, how could anything great be found in an empty space? Such a place is, by definition, empty, devoid of contents. In what possible way could anything good, including joy, be found in a blank?
The words of Ancient Mystery beckon for us to believe in the mysterious and unexpected. The mystery of godliness is the greatness of the Almighty God held within the ordinary body of a man. Finding the fullness of joy in the empty, blank spaces, is also a mystery, and one worth believing.
Living in Mystery
What does it mean to live in the mystery of empty spaces wherein joy can be found in the blanks? First, it means recognizing that blanks aren’t empty; they contain sadness, disappointment, and grief. When someone we love is missing, when an anticipated event is cancelled, or an envisioned future erased, the empty space is infused with sorrow. As I write this I am sitting in the blank and I am sad. Where are the empty spots in your world or in the lives of those you love? Recognize the emotional struggle of living in, or with, a blank.
Next, the mystery of empty spaces and the sadness they invite requires accepting the paradoxical reality of sadness and joy being able to coexist. The heart can experience sorrow and joy at the same time. Happiness and sadness are antithetical; one cannot be experienced concurrently with the other. However, joy is not happiness; joy is a deeper awareness of something precious or beautiful. For example, being surrounded by loved ones at a funeral can bring joy in the midst of the deepest sorrow.
Therefore, finding joy in the blanks doesn’t necessarily eliminate the sense of loss from the empty spaces left behind by the absence of someone or something beloved. Finding joy at such times requires intentionally noticing what isn’t missing and inviting gratitude for its presence. For me, I couldn’t be with my granddaughter this Christmas, but I was with another little girl the same age. I had been looking forward to long and interesting conversations with my son-in-law; instead, I found an unexpected and deeply meaningful conversation with another young man in my family. He and I talked about disappointment; a chat that inspired this post on living in the blanks.
Just as the divine can reside within the mortal, so also joy can be found in the sad, empty spaces. These are great mysteries, but another great mystery should be considered here. As I pondered the subtraction of something good, I wondered if something better would be offered in its place. When I went to help with my hospitalized granddaughter a few weeks ago, I knew my presence there would subtract my being with another grandchild for his fifth birthday party. My time with my granddaughter and her family was so precious I had peace; I knew my being there was something better than what I would have received at the birthday party. Something good was replaced with something better; I trusted that.
I have been searching for the “something better” of my current Christmas disappointment. I had hoped for such a good time together; what was the “something better” to take its place? Unable to see the something better, I am left with just the possibility of believing in it or remaining in despair over the loss of the “something good.” This is where faith comes in. I choose to believe without seeing that the loss of something good will in some way deliver the “something better,” even if I never see it. Perhaps my words to you about finding joy in the blanks can provide something better for you, even if not for me. If so, I find joy in that possibility.
In the final hour before I was completely awake this morning, I was remembering my mother, who left over seven years ago. This is the eighth Christmas without her. I still miss her; the empty space where she was in my life remains, a blank into which I seek to find joy. When I saw my sister with her great-grandchildren on her lap, I thought of our mother. One of the young men in our family, who is married to my niece, just lost his dad a few months ago. When I greeted and hugged him, I said, “I’m so sorry about your dad.” He replied, “Thanks. What can you do?” I suggested you trudge on, finding joy on the long, slow path until you see him again.
We all have empty spaces, blanks in our lives where someone we love is missing or just can’t visit. The blank space in which this year’s Christmas happened created a sorrow that will soon pass, as future time together pushes the current sadness into the background. Some blank spaces remain, such as the loss of a child, a spouse, or one’s parents. The sorrow filling those empty places never really ends, but we can seek joy to live beside it. If you are living with a blank, look around for what isn’t missing, finding joy in the people near you. If someone you love is living with an empty space, help fill the void with your presence. And choose to believe the mystery of something better coming in to fill the blank of the something good you lost.
Connecting with Mystery
Dear Lord of All Mystery, as I sit in this empty place where I expected the fullness of someone or something I loved, I cry to You for help. Sorrow, disappointment, and grief flood my heart, and joy seems impossible to find in this blank space. Help me know that joy can coexist with sadness. Open the eyes of my heart to the joy You provide at the edges of the blanks in my life. Strengthen my faith in the mystery of something better coming in to fill the blank of the something good I lost. Amen.
Notes from Dr. Mac
If you want to do your own investigation of any of the scriptures I use, I suggest you go to Bible Gateway. This free online version of the Bible allows a search of words or phrases in various translations. I suggest you read the surrounding context of the great mystery of godliness of which Timothy wrote in the third chapter of his first letter.
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