I’ve been thinking about emotions. As I write that, I am aware of the peculiarity of feelings and having thoughts about them. Philosophers have long pondered the head, or place of thinking, and the heart, or place of feeling, contemplating the role of each in life. No one questions the value of rational thinking, but what is the value of emotion? Do feelings serve as a dictator, an informant, or your enemy?
Note about the image: My art-loving four-year old grandson drew this for Grandpa. He is a creature of the heart like his aunt, my second daughter.
My Mysterious Mind
Is it wise to “follow your heart?” Or is it better to live on logic, always doing what makes the most sense? In a battle between your heart and your head, who usually wins? Do you do what feels good or do what seems sensible?
In a simplistic way of dividing people into two types, there are those who are creatures of the heart and those who are creatures of the head. Heart-oriented types are concerned with their feelings. Head-oriented types are focused on their intellect. Heart people often act without thinking, sometimes surprised by results they didn’t see coming. Head people typically act without realizing the emotional impact of their actions.
My first daughter has always been a creature of the head. This is common for first-borns who enter a world of adults. She would get stressed out about homework, even at a young age, and I would advise her to watch TV or go play. She got “stuck in her head” to the peril of her emotional well-being. With her head in charge her neglected emotions became an enemy to her adjustment. My goal in parenting her was to encourage a better balance of head and heart. She’s still a logic-oriented person, but her emotions are important factors in her decision-making.
Her sister, a second-born, has long been a creature of the heart. A delightful child, she often acted on impulse and was dismayed by the sometimes-tragic consequences. I would ask, “what were you thinking?” To which she would reply, “I don’t know.” To help her manage her emotion-driven behavior I used TV as a consequence for managing herself. If she got ready for school on time, she could watch TV after we got home. With her heart in charge, it dictated her actions and sometimes led her into trouble. My goal in parenting for her was the same as her sister, that of balance between head and heart, but I repeatedly suggested she “stop and think first.” She’s still a heart-oriented person, but her head is a powerful force in her decision-making.
To be human is to have feelings. In life, the heart has its reasons which reason doesn’t always understand. For a creature of the head, emotions can be the enemy. If a feeling threatens to overpower logic or a sense of personal control, that feeling might be shoved to the side or deeply buried. For a creature of the heart, emotions can be a dictator, pushing behavior into foolishness. If reason, aware of trouble, tries to get the upper hand, the dictatorial heart drives escape.
Somewhere between the roles of dictator and enemy is a healthier position for our feelings. This place is when emotions are neither driving behavior nor eliciting evasion. Feelings provide information for effective and complete living. Instead of a dictator or enemy, the heart can be an Informant.
Message of Mystery Acres
I have been accused of thinking too much. No matter the personality assessment, my head will score higher than my heart. In the Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory, I score higher in “T” for thinking than “F” for feeling. In the StrengthsFinder personality test, Intellection has emerged as one of my top five signature strengths. Thinking is one of my favorite hobbies.
Perhaps that’s why the forest is so good for me. I can do nothing but think if I want to. With that freedom to think also comes the release of my feelings. Being in nature frees me to fully experience what’s on my mind and what’s on my heart. I become more balanced, more whole. The forest mobilizes introspection, a looking within at both head and heart. Without deadlines and schedules, I can just be. This emancipation from the expectations and demands of civilized life allows me to tune into what has been troubling me, what I have been needing or wanting, and the wisps of self-awareness that elude me.
The message of Mystery Acres is a call to liberation from the structured prison of our everyday lives. Times of introspection, whether in the forest or elsewhere, release us to know our thoughts and our feelings more completely. We arrive estranged from our heads or hearts; we depart as more complete companions. With deeper information about what is happening inside of us, we can choose more wisely in the days ahead.
Ancient Mystery’s Voice
“The heart is more deceitful than anything.” (see Jeremiah 17:9)
Earlier I asked if it is wise to follow your heart. Should we put our emotions in charge of our decisions? If we expect to feel good when we go in one direction and bad when we go the other way, should we choose the path that feels better? Should we go where the heart directs?
Jeremiah, a voice from ancient times, captured a quote of something He heard God say. Within that quote is the declaration that “the heart is more deceitful than anything.” If the heart says, “go this way!” it could be an awful decision to follow its recommendation. “This will feel great; nothing terrible will happen” might be a lie.
So, the heart is a liar. Hmmm… But liars don’t lie all the time. If we knew everything they said was a lie we could just discount them completely. Like an enemy, we could refuse to listen to the heart because it might be deceiving us. But sometimes the heart is telling us a truth we need to hear. We can’t trust liars; we can’t trust the heart. However, the heart has information we might need to live more completely. Like disregarding the warning lights in your car, treating the heart like the enemy and totally ignoring it will only bring trouble down the road.
Ancient Mystery’s voice cautions us about the untrustworthy nature of our feelings. This caution is especially relevant in today’s “if it feels good do it” culture. That feeling-focused trend has shifted into the “if it feels bad avoid it” direction. With this focus, when the going gets tough, it’s not time to keep going, it’s time to quit. Commitments to work or relationships can be abandoned because something “just isn’t working for me anymore.” Quitting might feel good in the moment but the road ahead might have become more painful. The heart can be deceitful.
Wisdom doesn’t put the heart in charge, nor does it make an enemy of our emotions. Our feelings, which can be deceitful, should not dictate our lives because trying to feel better might lead us into trouble. Making an enemy of our feelings, ignoring the information they provide, is also foolish. A life well-lived is one informed by our emotions, neither driven by nor devoid of them.
Living in Mystery
What does it mean to live in the mystery of having feelings neither serve as Dictator nor Enemy, but Informant? First it calls for a life of more balance between the authority of rationality and the demands of emotionality. If you lean more towards your head, ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?” If you lean more toward your heart, tell yourself, “Think this through before you do anything.” Using a journal for introspection can serve as a place to invite more balance. If something is troubling you, but you don’t understand why, draw a vertical line down the middle of a page. At the top of the left column put “Thoughts” and at the top of the right column put “Feelings.” After putting something in both columns you have more complete information for how to respond to yourself.
What you are feeling should neither direct your actions nor be ignored. Your feelings are “facts” in your life. Some of those “facts” could be invalid; the heart can be deceptive. But including your emotions in decision-making, you will be able to make choices that consider what you are feeling and what you are thinking. Your thoughts could be irrational ones, not based in reality. Nonetheless, it’s useful to consider your thoughts AND your feelings, your head and your heart.
If you tend to be ruled by your head, it can be helpful to review a list of emotions to enhance your emotional awareness and vocabulary. Instead of just using words such as “upset,” “sad,” or “angry,” expand your knowledge of how you feel. You might be feeling “betrayed,” “discouraged,” or “misunderstood.” Precision of words for feelings keeps them from being the enemy; it summons them forth as informant. More than acknowledging feelings of OK, or good, or bad, there are more accurate labels for your emotions. With this accuracy comes insight. For example, what is eliciting the feeling of betrayal? Discouragement? Being misunderstood? Better information supports more wise choices for how to respond. Feelings, recognized with precise labels, serve as helpful Informants.
One of my four-year old grandsons loves to draw. When he draws people who are full of emotions he makes a scribble above their heads. The color of these scribbles captures the type of emotion the person is experiencing. I love this depiction of emotions! Not only does it show the messiness of feelings, it also brings to mind the color emotions bring to our lives. Without feelings, our lives would be black and white, logic-driven, task-focused drudgery. To live effectively in the mystery of feelings means more than recognizing the information they provide. It also means embracing the vibrancy and richness of a life “in color,” a life full of an array of messy emotions.
As an old mom to young parents, I suggest you attend to the role of emotions in your life and how you model their regulation to your watching children. Do your feelings dictate your actions, your days punctuated by scribbly, out of control emotional outbursts? Or do you push your feelings aside, treating them like an enemy, living in black and white? It’s good for your children to see you having emotions; they have them, too. Use a rich variety of words to describe what you are feeling, offering these words for your children’s vocabulary by your use of them. Consider using a crayon box of various colors and talk with your children about what color each of you is feeling. Magenta? Light blue? Dark gray? Then describe what prompted you to choose that color. This process of acknowledging and describing one’s emotions encourages learning to use feelings as an Informant. No one really wants only the black and white crayons of living only in our heads. Nor is it good to live in a world of scribbly feelings that dominate and obscure the picture. If you want your children to enjoy emotions without them being a dictator or an enemy, the best way to teach them is to practice it with them.
Living in the mystery of feelings is a balanced life of logic and emotion, with head and heart engaged. Practicing introspection supports awareness and regulation of our emotions. Learning to use many words for what we are feeling, like having a box of many colors of crayons, brings a richness to life, while inviting those feelings to inform our decision-making, not dictate it. If there were a scribble above the drawing of you today, what color would it be? And what does that tell you? Feelings can be dictator or enemy, but there’s wisdom in recognizing them as Informant.
Connecting with Mystery
Dear Lord of All Mystery, thank You for the messiness of emotions. I confess to sometimes struggling with what I am feeling, at times allowing those feelings to dictate the course of my day, and, at other times, just wanting to push them aside and ignore them. Help me to have the courage to live a life in full color, with the information my feelings can provide, while recognizing what I feel could deceive me into taking the wrong path. Thank You for giving me a head and a heart; teach me to balance their influence on my life. Amen.
Notes from Dr. Mac
If you want to do your own investigation of any of the scriptures I use, I suggest you go to Bible Gateway. This free online version of the Bible allows a search of words or phrases in various translations. The Psalms are full of emotional expression, balanced with recognition of God’s provision and authority. Start with Psalm 1 and read a Psalm a day to process and enrich your life with a regulated heart and mind.
You can find previous posts of my work at my ARCHIVE and organized compilations in the My Books section. You can also find Mystery’s Voice on Spotify.
I want to know what you’re thinking! You can email me at: Dear Dr. Mac or leave/send a message (see below). I love hearing from you!
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