Gratitude in Grief
Seeking Joy in Times of Loss
Introduction
It has been a strange week, with random waves of sadness flowing over me. Unsure of what is triggering the sorrow, I decided to use it as a focus for this week’s newsletter. Life is sad sometimes for me, as I know it is for each of you. I pray you find something in this issue of “The Adventure of Reflection” that helps you with your sadness.
A Minute of Motivation
Emotional Pain
Is life supposed to hurt? We live in a culture which seems to tell us we should feel good all the time. If you’re feeling upset in any way, there are numerous popular methods to feel better – get drunk, go shopping, eat, binge-watch TV, take a tranquilizer, and many more . . .
These methods will temporarily relieve the pain but do nothing to address the underlying reason you are upset. Feeling bad is a natural part of life, and, if experienced, will motivate you to address whatever is upsetting you. Take away the unpleasant feelings and you take away the energizing force to deal with life’s challenges.
Escaping from feeling bad will make life more difficult in the long run, because problems will remain unfixed. Grief will become frozen. Giving yourself permission to have your feelings, good and bad, will ultimately help make your life better because challenging situations will be resolved instead of ignored. And, in the case of grief, the heart will reopen to love again.
Note. Originally published in 1992. Adapted for today’s newsletter.
Enjoy Life More
A Thankful Good-Bye
I wrote this a couple of months ago, on a morning when I was close to tears, when I was close to losing a four-legged friend.
“It’s one of ‘those’ days. My husband and I were at the emergency vet until very late last night (or should I say this morning?). Our sweet dog, Sophi, had suddenly become very sick. Sadly, the diagnosis is a large abdominal tumor. At nearly 13-years old, it is time to say good-bye.
My colleague just asked me how I was doing today and so I told her. The truth. I am sad, sleep-deprived, and preparing for a painful decision regarding a furry family member. She shared her own story from a few months ago, of saying good-bye to two four-legged friends, five months apart.
Surprisingly, she confessed to having just gotten a puppy, despite knowing that the final chapter of her life with a dog will be sad and painful. I told her it was evidence of courageous love. There will be far more joy-filled days with a loved one than there will be days filled with deep sorrow.
So, today, I enjoy life deeply by preparing to say a thankful goodbye to a dear friend. Thank you, dear Sophi, for so many days of love and joy. We will miss you.”
My husband called in the afternoon. Sophi had just died while sleeping peacefully. I rushed home and we buried her together in the backyard.
And we cried. Grief is the cost of love. I am thankful for the grief, the evidence of love.
Faith Corner
“Jesus wept.” John 11:35
I have heard many sermons about the shortest verse in the Bible. All of them focus on WHY Jesus cried. Why was He crying? What was He crying about? My meditation will not be about the reasons for the tears, but about the fact that there were tears.
We can learn much from listening to what a person says, but I believe we can learn far more by “listening” to what they do. It has been said: “actions speak louder than words.” The Bible records many of the words of Jesus. Here, in this two-word version, His behavior is recorded.
Jesus cried.
There are so many verses about being strong, not being afraid, being thankful, and trusting God. But, here we see that God Himself cried. That demonstration of emotion is deeply important. It says, loudly:
It is OK to cry.
Life hurts. Sometimes I need to cry. And I don’t always know why. Sometimes I cannot search out what is prompting the tears. What I do know is that fighting them doesn’t help.
Lord, thank You for showing me, by your tears, that it is OK to cry. Help me to release my sadness into Your care. If releasing my tears is what I need, help me to rest in Your unfailing love while I cry. Amen.
Poetry Pause
The Joy Path
There may be tears on the joy path,
There may be deep sorrow along the way;
The route is marked by the guiding hand of God,
And a voice tenderly calling,
“Peace be with you.
I am with you always.
Always.
In the sunny places of happiness,
And in the shadowy valleys of despair.
Listen for My Voice.
Do not fear –
I am here.
I AM.”
This is the joy path –
Any path that is in You.
Whether skipping with glee,
Or shuffling with the weight of sadness,
There can be joy.
With shouts of “Praise God!”
Or strained whispers of “thank You, Lord” –
We find You –
And we know joy.
By Cindy MacGregor, July 31, 2019
Old Mom to Young Mom
Hold Tight with Open Arms
When my oldest daughter was just a toddler, having recently learned to walk, she seemed determined to practice, no matter where. One beautiful day, as we enjoyed the backyard, she started to walk farther and farther away from me.
I decided to just watch, allowing her to go deeper into the far corner of our fenced yard. How far would she go? The fence would contain her, but would her fear of being far away from me limit the distance?
When she reached the farthest corner of the yard, she turned back to look at me. Raising one of her little toddler arms into the air beside her head, she gleefully greeted me.
“Bye, Mommy. Bye, Mommy.”
I knew in an instant something I would understand over the coming years of her life. She was growing up and away from me. Her years as a child in my home were finite, and, just as I had let her test the boundaries of her world that day, I would continue to do so over the coming years.
I still watch her from afar, amazed at the strong person, wife, and mother she has become. I held tight to those times with her as a child in my world, but my hold on her was with open arms. My advice to you, young mom, is to embrace the moments you enjoy with your little ones and with your attitude-afflicted teens. Hold tightly to those moments, but hold onto your children only with open arms. They are meant to grow away from you a little more each day.
Dear Dr. Mac
I am going to offer some advice in this section but I am also going to respond to requests for advice if I receive questions from any of you. You can send an email to: drcjmacgregor@outlook.com and I will respond either via email or in this section of a future newsletter, or both.
Your writings always affect e deeply. I am overjoyed. Thank you for doing this.