Humility
Sometimes the Way Up is Down
Introduction
What is humility? Some definitions describe humility as not being arrogant, which sounds like a good thing. Humility has also been described as self-abasement or low self-regard, which sounds unhealthy. I have been pondering humility for decades, including a poem I wrote a long time ago (published here). Thank you for joining me in this issue of The Adventure of Reflection where I humbly contemplate the paradoxical nature of humility.
A Minute of Motivation
Humility vs. Pride
Pride – some people would encourage you to be proud of yourself, your life, and your accomplishments. I recommend instead that you practice humility, rather than pride.
What is humility? Well, it’s not feeling badly about who you are and what you have done. Humility is recognizing you are but one person in the midst of a big world, and much of what happens to you happens without YOU making it happen. Feel good about what you have done with what life has given you, but recognize you have not done it alone.
Humility includes gratitude. It means being grateful for the blessings that come into your life without your effort. Humility is also being grateful to the countless people who have invested their time and their love into you, without whom you would not be where you are today. You can also be humbly grateful for the many things that have NOT happened to you – situations that could have been disastrous but weren’t, conflicts in relationships that were resolved rather than being a death sentence for those relationships, and many other examples of mishaps that failed to happen.
Humility means feeling good about who you are combined with the recognition that other people and events have contributed to your development. Humility says, “Yes, I am very special, and many people and situations have helped to develop the ways I am special.”
Note. Originally written around 1993 and preserved on dot-matrix printer paper. Published here for the first time.
Enjoy Life More
Sometimes Going Up Requires Going Down
The instructions for living life to the full are confusing sometimes. It reminds me of the GPS instructions for traffic circles in DC, for example, “use the left lane to turn right.” Huh? How do I do that exactly?
We think the “good life” means going up, like the 80’s sit com theme song of “movin’ on up - to the east side - to a deluxe apartment - in the sky!” The penthouse or the corner office on the top floor are analogous with success. Career advancement means being promoted, going up, never being demoted, or going down.
My professional world lies in rubble. The program I once coordinated is gone. My income and my professional value have decreased. I am teaching classes outside of my area of expertise. It feels like I have been demoted. Am I going down? Or am I going up? Or am I going up by going down?
Well, I didn’t choose this path. Honestly, in my pride, I never would have. All the paths going up were closed to me. The path ahead only went down. So, it is really a path down? Or does it just look that way?
For twenty-plus years I have worked with doctoral students in education, including teachers, principals, and educational administrators for colleges. My work was to help them become better leaders and to finish their dissertations. I have seven advisees left in a terminated program.
I am teaching Educational Psychology now. Most of my undergraduate students are in their third year of preparation as future teachers. They are the earlier versions of the doctoral students I previously taught. In some ways it has been like going back in time, while moving forward into my future.
Or, it’s like going “down” in order to go “up.” I’m not sure I can explain it, but I don’t think it’s actually a demotion, though it does feel like one. Teachers touch the future, and I, the teacher, am teaching future teachers. This path only appears to have gone down.
To enjoy life more, try not to judge your path by its apparent elevation relative to your current position. It may look like you are going down, but you are actually going up. Similarly, it might look like you are going up, only to find that you are, in fact, going down. The joy is found in serving the people on the path, no matter its direction or altitude. That is where I am looking for joy in my path, a path very different from the one I envisioned for myself.
Faith Corner
“Humbly value others above yourselves.” (see Philippians 2:3).
About two-thousand years ago Paul wrote a letter to the followers of Jesus living in Philippi. Many of his letters contain strong words of chastisement, but the tone of his words to the believers in Philippi are joyful and encouraging. For example, rather than saying, “Don’t get a big head,” he describes a life of humble service to others. He calls for an expression of love that goes down, instead of a life of elevating self above others.
His advice includes to “do nothing for self-glory,” also translated as doing “nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.” Each person is encouraged to not only look “at their own interests, but also at the interests of others.” Then, in several beautiful verses (5-11), Paul describes the humble “going down” of Jesus, followed by the Father elevating His Son.
Pride asks, “What do I want?” In contrast, humility asks, “How can I best serve others?” Pride seeks to be served, but humility endeavors to serve. Pride seeks to go up, whereas humility strives to go low.
Dear Lord, I admit to being full of pride, focusing on what I need, instead of noticing the needs of others. I strive to go up, instead of following Jesus’ example of going down. Open my eyes to the people around me, those you have equipped me to serve. Thank You for giving me gifts to bless others. May Your purpose for me be fulfilled as I surrender myself and my gifts to You. Amen.
Poetry Pause
Pride to Humility
Powerless, yet powerful.
I am of God.
He is the rain;
I am the well.
I own not the water within me.
I am the water wheel;
He is the river.
I turn and produce electricity.
I help many.
But the river is my source.
Without the river
I am worthless.
Useless, yet useful.
I am a tool of God.
Without His hand I lie
Without work to do.
I resign to Him;
Together we tend a great garden.
So what of pride?
I can take credit –
For what?
I open myself to His guidance;
I take credit for being open.
Self-confidence becomes
God-confidence.
Without Him my true worth
Is unknown.
I am here because He made me.
There is work for US to do.
By Cindy MacGregor, pre-1993.
Note. I wrote this poem a long time ago and recently found a tattered copy on dot-matrix paper.
Old Mom to Young Mom
Developing Humble Children
In modern times, parenting has become a metaphorical line on a resume. Children are considered accomplishments, especially if their accomplishments are brag-worthy. Parents want to brag about their children and take credit for how wonderful their children are. And what child doesn’t want to be the focus of parental bragging?
“Look at me!” is a common plea of children who are performing antics for others to watch. Each of us needs to be seen, and it hurts to feel unnoticed or invisible. Children need to be seen by their parents in order to feel valued.
However, being seen shouldn’t require any accomplishment. Wise parents focus on enjoying the activity and effort of their children, not focusing just on their brag-worthy accomplishments. Most of what I miss most about having my children in my life is watching them or listening to them. I just loved to listen to them practice singing or playing their instruments (really!). I just loved to watch them run around on a soccer or football field.
Developing humble children includes not focusing so much on what they achieve. Pride is perpetually hungry for more-- more success, more recognition, more applause. Humility is built on the quiet value of being and doing, rather than accomplishing. My advice, old mom to young mom, is to celebrate the wondrous creation of your child, no matter what will appear on their resume, or yours.
Dear Dr. Mac
I love trying to be wise. With degrees in psychology and leadership, I have a lot of advice to offer. some of it might even be good. If you would like to hear what I think about something, or tell me what is on your mind, please send an email to: drcjmacgregor@outlook.com; I will respond via email or in this section of a future newsletter, or both. I hope to hear from you!
A special thanks to Jody and to Marci for your encouraging messages to me. It helps me feel “seen” when I hear from dear readers such as you. Thank you!
Reminder: You can find all my previous posts at https://cindymacgregor.substack.com/archive