Overburdened
Reduce the Load You are Carrying
Introduction
How heavy is your load? Is it too much? Too little? Or just right? In this reflection I offer perspective for those whose burdens are too much. From carrying family guilt to helicopter parenting, I hope you find some helpful advice here.
A Minute of Motivation
Umbilical Cords of Guilt
Helpless fetuses are connected with the source of life, the mother’s body, through an umbilical cord that supplies the needs of the yet-to-be-born child. At birth, umbilical cords, no longer needed, are cut; babies can use their own lungs to process oxygen and their own digestive systems to process nutrients; babies no longer need to receive blood from their mothers. Exciting new horizons are revealed for each new life – free from the limitations of needing an umbilical cord.
In some families there are invisible umbilical cords – umbilical cords of guilt. These family systems are kept together using the hidden directive: “You Need Us. You Can’t Live Without Us.” Family members who try to live independently from such a family may be pulled back using an umbilical cord of guilt – with an unspoken but understood message of: “How Dare You Try To Think or Live on Your Own!”
Healthy families are tied together with love, not with umbilical cords of guilt. In unhealthy families, the insecure members develop webs of “guilt umbilical cords” – prohibiting members from pursuing their own lives and unique identities.
To function more joyfully on your own, cut any umbilical cords of guilt and tie your relationships together with the flexible bonds of love. It is healthy to be connected, but unhealthy to be entangled.
Note. Written in approximately 1992 but never published. Modified for this newsletter from a dot-matrix copy kept in my files for 30 years.
Enjoy Life More
Don’t Carry What isn’t Yours to Carry
My life is typically very full and my “to do” list lengthy. Who am I kidding? I have several “to do” lists….
I can look at someone else’s life and often see burdens being carried that shouldn’t be. I want to say, “Is that yours to carry?” Or, when they are tempted to take on a task when already overburdened, I am inclined to advise, “Say ‘no.’ You can say ‘no.’”
Admittedly, it is harder to see when I am the one taking on something that doesn’t belong to me, or saying “yes” when “no” is the healthier response. As I review my “to do” lists, I need to ask myself, “Does that belong to me? Or should someone else be carrying that?”
Are you feeling overburdened? Perhaps it’s time to shift some of the load. Enjoy life more by only carrying what belongs to you.
Note. Sometimes my load is to take care of someone else and help carry the load for them. I am not talking about that in this excerpt. Don’t carry what should be carried by someone else.
Faith Corner
Jesus said, “Serving with Me is pleasant; My burden is not heavy.” (See Matthew 11:30)
This passage is commonly translated as “My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Written two thousand years ago, a “yoke” is a way two oxen are linked together to pull a common load, perhaps a wagon or plow. This “coupling” can make the work better for both creatures, especially for a weaker creature yoked to a stronger one (in this case, Jesus). The two, pulling together, will find it pleasant to work together, moving in harmony. Thus, I suggest thinking of “My yoke is easy” as, instead, “Serving with Me is pleasant.”
What happens to the heavy load the partners are pulling? That heavy burden becomes easy, not heavy, light even! The original Greek for “light” is a reference to the weight of something, in this case a weight that is easy to lift or pull.
Are you pulling alone? Are you trying to go your own way? Jesus would like to help.
Lord, thank You for reminding me I don’t need to carry such a heavy burden today. The overwhelming load can become lighter if I surrender and invite Your help. Please help me to move under Your guidance, allowing You to lift the burdens weighing upon me. Thank You for making today’s work pleasant and its burdens light. Amen.
Poetry Pause
Uphill Each Day
As morning arrives
My mind reloads;
Mountains all around,
Uphill in every direction.
Inertia -
Moving is difficult.
One step,
Then two,
Then several -
Moving!
Where do I want to go?
Too hard.
Too far.
Just sit.
Instead.
Wait. Listen.
“Supplies are coming,
Then directions.
The road is easy –
Let Me carry your load.
Walk now.
Hear the birds?
See the flowers?
Feel the sun?
This way.”
One step.
Then two,
Then several -
Walking!
Momentum –
Even uphill.
By Cindy MacGregor, May 4, 2020.
Note. The middle of 2020 was hard for most of us, including me. I was burdened with a heaviness of sorrow and loneliness. From that place of depression, I was blessed in many ways, including with this poem. Perhaps you are carrying a heavy burden; may this poem help you get moving each day.
Old Mom to Young Mom
Work Yourself Out of the Job
Shortly after the birth of our first child, a colleague advised me to keep in mind the goal of parenting. He said, “work yourself out of a job.” I have pondered and shared that wisdom countless times. Parenting, if done well, is a job with decreasing demands. Eventually, that child might actually become their parent’s caretaker.
But let’s just think about today. Are there tasks you are doing for your children that really should belong to them? From getting dressed to cleaning up after a meal, how can your child carry a little more of the burden that belongs to them and not to you? Are you working yourself out of a job, or are you encouraging dependency?
Active parenting should just be a season of your life, and the nature of the work should be changing a little every day. Small children need to learn activities of daily living; while older children need to learn activities of independent living. If you have high school-aged children, you are in the “pre-launching” phase. Will they be ready to manage their own schedules? Will they be able to monitor their own assignments? Stop hovering. They need to fight their own battles and carry their own burdens, turning to you for consultation, not intervention.
Empty nest will, and should, come. It’s your job as a parent to work yourself out of the job.
Dear Dr. Mac
To hear what I think about something, please send an email to: drcjmacgregor@outlook.com; I will respond via email or in this section of a future newsletter, or both. I hope to hear from you!
I also welcome your comments and reactions in the comment box below. What advice can you share for those carrying heavy burdens?