Peace
The Victory of Surrender
Introduction
In the second week of meditations before Christmas, this reflection is about peace. As I pondered peace I thought about beauty contestants wanting “world peace” and old tombstones engraved with “Rest in Peace.” I thought about peace within, peace with others, and peace with God. Thank you for joining me in The Adventure of Reflection as I consider the quest for peace
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A Minute of Motivation
“I’m Sorry”
It’s hard to admit when you’re wrong. It’s even harder to apologize when your behavior has hurt someone else. If you’re like most people, you would rather place blame or make excuses than admit you were at fault.
Whether you admit it or not, you make mistakes and misbehave. Even if you come up with a brilliant explanation which seems to justify your actions or reactions, you are, nonetheless, responsible for your own behavior. An explanation does not make something wrong become right. Nothing or no one is in charge of your behavior except you, therefore, your behavior cannot truthfully be blamed on anyone or anything else.
It takes a person of strong character to admit it when he or she has made a mistake or caused injury. It takes an even stronger character to say “I’m sorry.” Without those two words the injury produced by one’s actions or reactions will remain. An explanation may numb the pain, but the wound is still there, and can easily be re-injured.
Saying “I’m sorry” helps to heal the damage done by your actions or reactions. And, if followed by a change in future behavior, the wounds will be able to completely heal.
It’s inevitable when two people get close to each other they will inadvertently hurt each other. To remain close, the injury-producing behavior requires the surrender of an apology. Be willing to utter two of the hardest words to say, “I’m sorry.” Be willing to invite peace where there was pain and injury.
Note. Originally written in 1993 and printed on dot-matrix paper. Published for the first time here.
Enjoy Life More
The Victory of Surrender
I am a “run to the battle” kind of person. My “operating system” doesn’t run on fear; it runs on anger. I am quick to notice injustice and I love to join in a fight to make things right. Conflict is energizing to me, like the ions inside of a cloud, building up lightning.
Surrender is hard for me. Some battles are not to be fought, they are to be surrendered. Sometimes peace doesn’t come through conquest over an enemy, but by laying down one’s weapons and walking away from the field of battle. This is not natural behavior for me. I don’t know what is natural for you. I can only extrapolate from watching people locked in grudges, each asserting the blame for the fight belongs on the other.
Where is the victory in a battle where there can be no winners, only losers who continue to fight? Victory comes, paradoxically, through surrender. In some battles, the winner is the one who stops fighting. This may bring peace for the other side; it may not.
Victory in surrender can sometimes be found by choosing to stop fighting, to sheathe one’s weapons of intellect and passion, and to walk away from the battlefield. This victory is to stop taking shrapnel in a winner-less fight, to choose peace for oneself, and claim the victory of self-healing and preservation.
Where are you in battle? Winning is fun, but pointless fighting only drains joy and prevents peace. May you find the wisdom to know if the victory in your battle can only be found in your surrender and retreat. Peace sometimes comes through the victory of surrender.
Faith Corner
Solomon wrote, “there is a time for war and a time for peace.” (Ecclesiastes 3:8b)
What is peace? What is war? When is it time to fight? When is it time to be at peace?
War is about conflict, hostility, and trouble. Peace is about harmony, unity, and safety. In a quick scanning of the Bible there is a lot of war, especially in the Old Testament, the writings before Jesus’ time on earth as a human. Jesus was expected by many to be a mighty warrior who would defeat the enemies of His people and bring an earthly victory. One of His many names is Prince of Peace.
But Jesus wasn’t the warrior His followers expected. He surrendered to those who came to arrest Him and even told one of His most faithful followers to “put away your sword.” His battle, as it turned out, wasn’t against humanity but for humanity. His victory came through surrendering Himself as a sacrifice to pay the cosmic penalty for the sins of all humanity against God, their Creator.
In a paradoxical season of intertwined war and peace, the death of Jesus was a battle that was won through surrender, a war that brought peace between mankind and God. This is a mystery that is hard to understand. Surrendering to the truth of this mystery, rather than fighting to understand it, is the way to a “peace that passes understanding.”
Dear Lord, thank You for being the Prince of Peace who brought harmony between me and God through Your surrender to be sacrificed. Help me to stop fighting to comprehend this incomprehensible reality and surrender to the peace You won for me. May I have a surrendered mind, a surrendered heart, and a surrendered spirit, leaving victory to Your infinite mind, Your unfailing love, and Your ever-present Spirit. Amen.
Poetry Pause
Peace
A sleeping baby after a fussy time.
A blue sky reflected in a mirror of water.
A quiet mind with “squirrels” at rest.
Two fingers extended in victory formation.
A setting sun at a time without wrath.
A safe perimeter, established by strong boundaries.
A calm mind, a quiet spirit, a relaxed body.
Peace.
By Cindy MacGregor, December 9, 2022
Note. This is my mind in a free association activity about peace.
Old Mom to Young Mom
It doesn’t matter who started it, only who ends it
“He started it!” “She hurt me first!”
Wherever there are two or more children there will be squabbles. (The same can be true of adults, who also sometimes behave like children). The parent, who gets drawn in as referee, tries to get the children to stop fighting. Each child, quick to place blame on the other, will offer information about whatever triggered the battle. Whatever the original reason for the battle, the fight will shift to arguing over who is responsible.
Should the parent help the children identify the one who started the dispute? This is tricky terrain for parents. Unless there is an eyewitness, deciding on which child is responsible for starting the war, can lead to playing favorites. A parent who “takes sides” is drawn in as an ally in what will be a series of future skirmishes.
“There are penalties by both teams” is a conclusion drawn during games where players from both sides have engaged in a fight. Who threw the first blow or uttered the first offensive word can be impossible to sort out without extensive video and audio evidence. Parents never get the benefit of multiple cameras when deciding which child is to be penalized.
And, in the end, it probably doesn’t matter who “started it” – only who ends it. The more mature response is to lay down one’s right to battle and offer to apologize and forgive. In squabbles between family members there are no winners, only losers so long as the battle continues. My advice to young parents is to avoid taking sides, teaching children to take blame for their part in a battle, and exchange apologies and forgiveness to each other.
There are typically penalties by both sides. The winner is the one who decides to stop fighting, lays down their claim to being right, and seeks a restored relationship. Parents are wise to encourage this mature response to conflict, in their children and in their own relationships.
Dear Dr. Mac
I love trying to be wise. With degrees in psychology and leadership, I have a lot of advice to offer. some of it might even be good. If you would like to hear what I think about something, please send an email to: drcjmacgregor@outlook.com; I will respond via email or in this section of a future newsletter, or both. I hope to hear from you!
Previous Newsletters
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Thanks for listening and reading. You are an encouragement to me!