Perplexed
Responding to Confusion
Introduction
I have an old convertible I haven’t driven for several years because I drive a better one. This old car was in the backyard for months when my husband decided it was time to clean it up and sell it. Right after moving the car to our driveway a tree branch fell on it, cracking a headlight and denting the hood. We stared in disbelief, perplexed at the timing of it all. Thank you for joining me for this issue of The Adventure of Reflection as I explore how to respond to the confusion of perplexity.
A Minute of Motivation
The Right Choice
There is no right way to do a wrong thing. When faced with an important decision about what to do, you need to do what is right. You need to do the right thing at each moment. Notice I didn’t say to “do things right.” I said to “do the right thing.”
Usually your problem isn’t in knowing what is right… it is in doing it. If you search your heart for an answer as to what is right, you will find that answer. The answer may not be an easy path to take. You may not be comfortable doing what’s right, but it’s the better choice.
If you don’t know what to do, search your heart for the answer, for through love you know what needs to be done. Then hope for the strength and courage to do what your heart tells you is the right thing to do.
And do it.
Note. Originally published in 1992. Published here because of the perplexing nature of some decisions.
Enjoy Life More
Avoid Following Lemmings
One of my childhood books was Animals Do the Strangest Things. The section I remember the most vividly was about lemmings; these rodents would scramble in massive packs off cliffs and die. Their peculiar behavior made an impression on me – I would strive to avoid what most people were doing, just in case they were packs of lemmings heading into danger.
Our paths in life are often unclear and confusing. The easier choice is to “go with the flow” and just let the behavior of others move us forward. Maybe it’s the German in me, but I would rather dig in my heels and think things through before going along with the masses. I’ve learned to be comfortable being on an island of my own opinion.
Are you in a perplexing situation? Are you confused about what to do? While it’s healthy to seek the perspectives of others, their advice might be conflicting or foolish. This happened to me a couple of days ago when two friends offered their reactions to my professional situation. The more they talked the more wrinkled my forehead became. In the end, I just appreciated the concern they showed me. And, given the confusing nature of their words, I came to better understand the confusion inherent in my situation. The way ahead is not clear.
When everyone seems to know which way you should go, that’s when you really need to stop and think it over for yourself. This might be the lemming problem – there may be a cliff ahead. There’s no harm in pausing to sort things out before moving ahead. To enjoy life more, avoid following lemmings.
Faith Corner
“We are perplexed but not in despair.” (See 2 Cor. 4: 8)
About two thousand years ago Paul wrote those words to a group of Christians in Corinth. It was a tough time for Paul and early believers, with significant discouragement coming through beatings and imprisonment. While trying to do what they believed God wanted them to do, their obedience brought great misery. This didn’t make sense. Why would doing the right thing bring such suffering?
In perplexity we ask God why a bad thing has happened. If God can control everything AND we have been doing what He directs us to do, why is something terrible being allowed? For some, this question includes “Why cancer?” For others, an accident that was prevented brings praise, but an accident that wasn’t prevented brings confusion.
Why, God?
Paul contrasted the experience of perplexed with one of despair. Perplexed is a state of confusion; despair is a state of hopelessness. Perplexed says, “I don’t understand.” Despair asks, “Does God care?” or, going deeper, “Is God good?” We know sometimes He heals cancer and sometimes He doesn’t. Perplexity is our lack of understanding of His reasons. Despair comes from doubting the love behind those reasons.
This is tough terrain. God’s ways are “beyond tracing out,” He is incomprehensible. A God worthy of our devotion is one who is beyond our understanding. But being incomprehensible isn’t sufficient foundation for devotion. I don’t understand Social Security (and I have been trying!), but that isn’t adequate reason to love it.
The answer behind the “why” is grounded in motives, either they are loving or they are nefarious. When difficulties come, are they bringing good from the One who allows them? If we can trust the motive behind the suffering, we can be perplexed but not descend into despair. I’ve heard fellow believers say, when questioning a tragedy, “God has His reasons.” That only really helps if we believe those reasons are based in love.
And that’s where faith steps in. Faith says, “I don’t know why this happened, but I trust God to be bringing good from this.” Choosing to respond to perplexity with faith prevents despair. When I reach the limit of my understanding I choose faith to go the rest of the way.
Dear Lord, I cannot understand much of what is happening to me and to those I love. It’s easy for me to praise You when You bring what feels good to me, but it’s hard to praise You in the dark times. Help me to give you what perplexes me and trust You to have reasons of love to answer all of my questions of why. Thank You for being a God beyond my understanding. Give me faith to fill in the perplexing gaps. Amen.
Poetry Pause
P.E.R.P.L.E.X.E.D.
Pondering
Everything,
Rarely
Perceiving the
Love
Enclosed in
eXtreme,
Enveloping
Difficulty
By Cindy MacGregor, August 10, 2023
Note. Sometimes the best gifts come in really ugly packages. Difficulties can be like that. How can there be a gift of love inside of something so hard?
Old Mom to Young Mom
Someday You’ll Understand
Sometimes good parents have to do things their children don’t like and cannot understand. When a child asks “why?” the explanation might not be possible. Frustrated, the parent’s response becomes “someday you’ll understand.” A child’s brain development and level of experience might not allow comprehension of an explanation.
An answer of “someday you’ll understand” isn’t as dismissive as it might sound. An answer of “because it’s good for you” will likely prompt another question of “how is it good for me?” Every answer might just generate another question as the child challenges the parent beyond the child’s ability to understand.
Good parents know children need unpleasant consequences in order to teach them civilized behavior. Children, about to be punished, will challenge their parents good-ness. But such consequences are done in love, to train a child in a way that brings a better future. How can a little child understand the complex cause-effect sequence of continued bad behavior in the coming years?
As an old mom to young parents, it’s okay to not fully explain things to your children. Their brains and comprehension are more limited than yours. Someday they’ll understand.
Dear Dr. Mac
Cindy,
Thank you for sending the compilation of your Reflections from May 2022 to July 2023. I belatedly began saving these to a file but there are a number that I did not save and/or that I missed reading due to being out of the office or them getting lost in my inbox.
I’ve enjoyed reading these reflections – we are all going through different types of transitions in this crazy world now and I think what you talk about resonates with many of us as we navigate through our individual life situations. Thank you for your ministry – it really hits the nail on the head in so many ways.
Blessings to you, my friend.
[signed] Marian
Hi Marian!
I was just sitting here writing next Sunday's issue when your encouraging message popped into my mailbox. It means so very much to me to hear from you about my compilation of writings! I invested many hours developing that; first I added audio to all of the earlier posts, then images to all of them. Lastly, I organized them thematically and created a posting that would support all 64 links. It almost exceeded the allowable limit for a Substack post!
I can see that people have accessed my "book," but I had been wondering if all that work mattered. I try not to be concerned about the outcome, but I am human and want my work to make a difference for someone. I guess that's what all of us really want, deep down. If we can each make one other person's journey in life a little better it makes our life worthwhile.
That is what your email does for me. Your encouraging words make all of my efforts to assemble Reflective Adventures worth it! I am deeply grateful my words and work help you on your journey.
[signed] Cindy
Dear Readers:
You can find all my previous posts at ARCHIVE or in an organized compilation of the first 64 issues at Reflective Adventures .
You have two ways to share your thoughts with me. You can leave a comment (see box below) or you can email me at: drcjmacgregor@outlook.com; I will respond to your email, and post our dialogue in a future newsletter (with your permission, of course). I love to hear from you!