Introduction
In this issue of The Adventure of Reflection, I continue with the R-series, contemplating one of my favorite “R” words, Recalculating. I fondly remember the early days of GPS when, having taken a wrong turn, the computerized voice would say, “Recalculating” and then give revised directions. Thank you for joining me as I ponder the shift in attitude direction, a recalculation, brought about by reconsidering your balance sheet.
A Minute of Motivation
Say “Thanks” No Matter What
Do things ever not go your way? Are you ever disappointed, frustrated, or dismayed? Do you ever have your life planned, only to find those plans must be changed or even dropped completely? If you have, then congratulations! – you are human.
This thing called “life” doesn’t always go the way you want it to, and there can be numerous reasons to grumble and complain. But what good does it do? Such negative attitudes will only make you, and those around you, miserable.
And here’s the big secret – somehow these disappointments and frustrations can be used for your own good. It may not always be apparent how these adverse situations can be good for you, but somewhere, somehow, they are. Tough times can make you stronger. Sad times can bring you closer to others. Setbacks can make you more determined to succeed.
Instead of cursing your life when it doesn’t go the way you planned, try saying “Good” or “Thank you.” The results may surprise you.
Note. Written in 1992 and republished here because recalculating the events of our lives can bring a more grateful perspective.
Enjoy Life More
Recalculate Your Balance Sheet
I have had some substantial losses in my life in the past five years. As I was reflecting on what felt like a huge drain from the resultant, complex grief, I had a sudden shift in perspective. Instead of focusing on what I had lost I sat down and wrote out a list of what I had gained. I set the time-frame of about five years and made two lists. On the first were the losses and on the second were the gains.
For example, I lost my mother in 2018, but, in the years since, have added two grandsons and a daughter-in-law. We destroyed a truck and trailer in an accident but replaced it with a newer truck and a motor-home. My professional role of teaching doctoral students ended, but I retooled to teach undergraduates in a course I had never taught before. I should note these undergraduates weren’t even born when I last taught undergraduate courses! I lost my professional identity as part of an award-winning doctoral program, but gained a new identity as congregational president in my church.
When I was finished with my “balance sheet” I found the gains far outweighed the losses. And I hadn’t even added the growth to my relationships and my faith over the same time period. Some of the losses are still painful, but the richness of the blessings from the same time period warrant tremendous gratitude. I only needed to shift my perspective.
What losses and gains are on your balance sheet from recent years? To enjoy life more, reconsider the complete set of your experiences. You may find, as I did, this recalculating resulted in a huge net gain.
Faith Corner
“Give thanks in every situation.” (See 1 Thessalonians 5:18).
When Paul wrote to the believers in Thessalonica, he included a challenging directive. He told them to give thanks in everything. No matter what was happening to them, his advice was for them to practice gratitude.
There’s a subtle, important, detail in his directive. Paul didn’t say to give thanks FOR everything; he said to give thanks IN everything. Recognizing that God could work good from every situation, no matter how difficult or disappointing, the believer’s response is to give thanks.
Paul didn’t say to FEEL thankful in every situation. The feeling of being thankful might be a by-product of the act of giving thanks. But it might not. Being thankful is an intention, not an emotion. Giving thanks is a response choice, not a natural response.
I admit this is a struggle for me regarding the parts of my world I don’t like. It takes willpower to express thankfulness when I miss my grandchildren or feel lost in a professional role with diminished value. It’s easy to slip into a “poor me” place and ruminate on what I lost or don’t have. Crawling upward, to a more radiant attitude, requires effort. It may be the same for you today.
Dear Lord, I am sad about what I have lost or am missing. I long for a life I do not have and cannot have. Meanwhile, Paul’s words speak to me, pushing me to practice saying thank you. Thank You for the people You have given me in my life, including those who are not with me now. Thank You that I was a part of something I loved so very much, even though that something is now in the past. Help me to practice being thankful. Thank You for helping me. Amen.
Note. If you want to do your own investigation of any of the scriptures I use, I suggest you go to Bible Gateway. This free online version of the Bible allows a search of words or phrases in a variety of translations.
Poetry Pause
Recalculating
Reconsidering
Everything;
Calculating
All
Losses;
Calculating
Unnoticed
Little blessings
And
Triumphs--
I’m
Now
Grateful.
By Cindy MacGregor, October 5, 2023
Note: Just a little poem about including blessings in life’s balance sheet.
Old Mom to Young Mom
Teaching Gratitude
Being grateful is a positive character trait, especially when you consider the label of “ungrateful.” No parent wants their children to be labeled “spoiled and ungrateful.” But how do wise parents teach gratitude?
Traditional teaching consists of telling. Much of education, formal and informal, involves being told what to know and how to think. To teach gratitude, in this method, would mean telling our children to say “thank you” and to “act grateful.”
And those aren’t bad ways to teach something; teaching by example is much more powerful. Experts call this type of teaching “modeling.” Brain cells include “mirror neurons” programmed to copy the behavior they see demonstrated in other people. Children learn how to live by watching how others, especially their parents, live.
Here’s the uncomfortable part: if you want your children to be grateful the best way you can teach them is by being grateful yourself. Teaching gratitude is best done by example not lecture. As an old mom to young parents, develop grateful children by being a grateful person. Practice saying “thank you,” especially when you don’t feel like being grateful.
Dear Dr. Mac
To my readers:
You can find all my previous posts at ARCHIVE. You can find the first 64 issues in an organized compilation at Reflective Adventures: Volume One.
You can share your thoughts with me by leaving a comment (see box below) or you can emailing me at: Dear Dr. Mac. I love to hear from you!