Shelter
A Hug Might Make it Better
Introduction
Are you having a tough week? Do you know someone who is having a tough week? I have been thinking about “shelter” and the power of hugs. The shelter of a hug can’t fix many things, but it can make most things better. Thank you for joining me in this issue of The Adventure of Reflection as I share some thoughts and encouragement about the sheltering power of hugs.
A Minute of Motivation
Responsible To Vs. Responsible For
Are you responsible for other people? If someone else has a problem, is it your responsibility to fix it? If someone is unhappy, is it up to you to make sure they become happy? Are you responsible for cleaning up the mess other people make of their lives?
The answer is “no.” You are not responsible FOR the lives of others. You are, however, responsible TO others. So, what’s the difference?
Being responsible TO others means you show empathy, you encourage them, you share yourself with them, you listen to them, and you confront them lovingly and honestly if necessary.
Feeling responsible FOR others makes you feel like you need to protect them, rescue them, control their lives, or change their feelings. You cannot control another person, therefore, you cannot be responsible FOR their behavior or feelings. You are only responsible FOR what you can control.
You can control you, and you have a lot to offer into the lives of others. You can make a difference, but only through sharing of yourself with them, not by trying to manipulate their lives. Expect others to be responsible for their own actions. Trust them and let go of them.
Being responsible TO others means loving them with open arms and an open heart.
Note. Originally written pre-1993 and preserved on dot-matrix printer paper. Published for the first time here.
Enjoy Life More
Time to Embrace
I am not known as a “hugger” but I have become a fan of hugging over the years. During the height of the pandemic, when I encountered people who were suffering but fearful of human contact, I would offer them a “hold your breath hug.” I never had anyone refuse my offer. Drawing in a deep breath, then stepping forward, I would embrace them deeply, then step backward, and exhale. Their response was always the same: “Thank you. I needed that.”
It isn’t always the right time to embrace. I don’t rush in and just hug people, nor do I often send signals for others to rush in and hug me. I like personal boundaries. Hugging for me is something special, like using the good silverware. I don’t bring it out all the time. When I hug someone I want it to mean something, not just be an everyday silverware kind of thing.
But, here’s something important to remember: most of us need more hugs than we are getting. The pandemic put physical distance between people and that was hard on us. And, before the pandemic, we were probably already hug-deficient.
There is a lot of hurting and weariness endemic to our post-pandemic world. We can’t fix other people’s pain. It’s not our responsibility to fix the problems of everyone around us. But we can make it better. A hug might make it better.
Enjoy life more. Offer more hugs.
Faith Corner
“Under His wings you will find shelter.” (Psalm 91: 4)
Farmers have reported stories of baby chicks surviving fire because of the shelter of their mothers. The babies are found alive, safe beneath the charred remains of the hen, who sheltered them under her wings. I have never verified these stories but the image is a powerful display of parental love. The parent, while protecting the young, sacrificed everything.
This is the imagery of our Heavenly Father’s love for us, His children. When the heat of this life is too much, there is shelter under His wings. Scared by a threat, we can run to Him for safety and protection.
We can picture little chicks running under the wings of a mother chicken when in danger. But what does taking refuge under the wings of a spiritual father look like?
Prayer. We, the little children, head into the shelter of our spiritual father by just talking to Him. When feeling threatened we are to cry out for help, like little chicks peeping frantically. He says, “You will call on me and I will answer. I will be with you in trouble.” (see Psalm 91:15) He will rush over and surround you with the comfort of His presence and “under His wings you will find shelter.”
Dear Lord, this life gets scary and overwhelming sometimes. Thank You for reminding me to call to you when I feel threatened. Come to me and bring me into the shelter of your everlasting arms. Help me to cry out and find refuge in You during times of trouble. Thank You for bringing me into the shelter underneath Your wings. Amen.
Poetry Pause
Shelter
The wind is fierce and cold;
It’s time to find shelter.
The night is drawing near;
It’s time to find shelter.
A storm is brewing;
It’s time to find shelter.
Today is hard;
It’s time to find shelter.
Tomorrow is scary;
It’s time to find shelter.
Who is your shelter?
Who needs you to be their shelter?
It’s time to find shelter.
By Cindy MacGregor, February 16, 2023
Note. This is just me in a free association activity about shelter.
Old Mom to Young Mom
Making it “All Better”
During this year’s Super Bowl, there was a spotlight on two brothers, playing on opposing teams. Jason Kelce, center for the Philadelphia Eagles was playing against his brother, Travis Kelce, tight end for the Kansas City Chiefs. Their mother, Donna Kelce, watched, and cheered for, both of her sons. But only one would win. At the end of the game she would have one winning son and one losing son.
If you haven’t seen the video of her and each of her sons on the field after the game, grab some Kleenex and prepare for an almost-too-beautiful message of love. I have posted a link at the end of this newsletter so you can watch for yourself. When she finds Travis, her winning son, there is an exuberant exchange and a hug. That’s the easy part.
Then the video shifts to Jason, the losing son, who is overheard saying, “I am looking for my parents” as he roams through the crowded field after the game. She comes up behind him, gets his attention, and pulls him into a long embrace. What does she say to her son who was just defeated on the biggest athletic stage of the world?
She says, “I love you,” “Good job,” and “I have loved watching you play all week.” Jason kisses his mother on the cheek. She says “I love you” again. Then he releases her, saying, “Go celebrate with Trav.”
This video of a mother’s love for her sons is so moving I can barely do it justice with words. In this video we see the best of a mother’s love. She is excited for the victory of one son, while deeply supportive and encouraging for the other son’s painful defeat. It is such a wonderful portrayal of how “mom makes it all better.” The celebration is better because of Mom. Recovering from defeat is also better because of Mom.
And the best part for me? My son sent me this video. Thanks, son. I love you. Good job. I have loved watching you since the day you were born.
It is my greatest joy as a parent to watch my children doing whatever they do, win or lose, succeed or fail. I want to be the kind of mom who makes it all better. And I hope the same for all of my readers who are parents. You do make it “all better” in more ways than you possibly know, whether the camera is rolling or not.
Here's the video:
If the video doesn’t work search for “Mama Kelce mic’d up”
Dear Dr. Mac
I have heard from a few readers who enjoyed my last newsletter. I am encouraged by their encouragement of my writing. I will keep writing so long as someone keeps reading.
To Jan: I am grateful you loved the poem I wrote about you walking W.I.T.H. me.
If you would like to hear what I think about something, or share your thoughts, please send an email to: drcjmacgregor@outlook.com; I will respond via email or in this section of a future newsletter, or both. I hope to hear from you!
You can find all my previous posts at https://cindymacgregor.substack.com/archive