Introduction
I have been thinking about life as a race and the phrase “stay in your lane.” What about the other runners? Some seem to be ahead, others behind. Am I in a competition? Should I be watching the other runners? In this issue of Adventure of Reflection, I ponder life as a race and the distraction of other runners.
A Minute of Motivation
Comparisons
From the Desiderata: “Never compare yourself to others … for there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself.”
Everyone seems to look at the successes of others and say, “I wish I were where they are,” “I’m not as far along as I should be,” or “They’ve done so much more than I have.”
We also look at the failures of others and say, “How could anyone be so stupid?”; “I’m glad I’m not that screwed up,” or “Why hasn’t he done more with his life?”
But it’s never logical or fair to make such comparisons, because our lives have all been different up until the current moment. Each person’s road in life started at a different place and has had a unique combination of obstacles and blind alleys.
The only person to whom you can safely compare yourself is you. Are you moving backward? Digging a rut? Or moving forward? Try each day to be a little better than you were the day before, and don’t worry about the rate or amount of progress of others.
Note. Originally published in 1992.
Enjoy Life More
Stay in Your Lane
Life seems a bit like a marathon race. Each of us is running along, sometimes limping, to move forward through the day ahead. No one can see the finish line, which is, in fact, at a different place for each person.
There are many others running within view, some behind us, some in front of us. Looking backwards, the starting point was unique for each runner. And, looking carefully, the nature of each person’s lane was also unique. Some lanes look smoother, while others seem nearly impossible to navigate.
The phrase “stay in your lane” has been used in work settings when the advice is to focus on your own work and not be concerned about what others are doing, or not doing. In life, that might be good advice when it comes to making comparisons of our progress to that of others.
Given the different starting points, varying levels of difficulty, and diverse finish lines for each person’s race, it doesn’t make sense to watch other runners. Stay in your own lane and watch the lane in front of you; don’t make comparisons to how other people run their races. Enjoy your life more. Run your race.
Faith Corner
“Run with endurance the race marked out” for you. (see Hebrews 12:1b)
The writer of Hebrews compared living the Christian faith to the running of a race, one “marked out” for the runner, who looks to Jesus as the “author and finisher” of the race of faith. This suggests an encouraging image of each person’s journey in life. There is a race marked out for each person. That race was designed by Jesus, and He holds the finish line tape.
The way to run the race is to have endurance, but the original Greek word here is much more than any English word can capture. The Greek word used is defined as cheerful (or hopeful) endurance or constancy, also typified by patient continuance or waiting. In the various English translations the Greek word is replaced with endurance, patience, and perseverance, none of which adequately captures the original meaning.
Dear Lord, thank You for preparing my race and for being the one who holds the finish line tape ahead of me. I confess to sometimes complaining about the difficulty of my race and not running with joy or hope. I confess to looking at other people and comparing my race, or my running, to theirs. Please help me run my race, the race You made for me, looking to You for all I need to finish. Thank You for giving me the patient and cheerful endurance I need to move forward each day. Amen.
Poetry Pause
Labor and Delivery
See!
“With the help of the Lord
I have brought forth a man!”
After a horrible, wonderful labor
I brought forth a man.
A man? Yes, a man –
A man in baby form.
Twenty-seven years later,
After a horrible, wonderful labor,
He stood there –
Next to her –
His wife;
And I released him;
I delivered him –
From my heart –
To hers.
My baby boy
No longer in my arms –
Now held in hers.
My long labor of love complete.
See!
“With the help of the Lord,
I brought forth a man!”
By Cindy MacGregor, September 11, 2020.
Note. The phrases in quotation marks are from Genesis 4:1b, a verse brought to me by a friend (thanks, Ginger!) when I was in the hospital after delivering my infant son. I remembered that verse when my son married the woman-of-his-dreams, and I wrote this poem.
Old Mom to Young Mom
Stay in Your Lane Parenting
It is so tempting to compare children to each other. What parent hasn’t thought (or said) “your sister (or brother) doesn’t act like that” or “so-and-so’s kid doesn’t do that.”
Each child is one-of-a-kind. Each parent is unique, as is their style of parenting. There are certainly commonalities across children or parents, but the composition of each has no match. Some babies are more sensitive and fussy. Others are laid-back and easygoing. Parents can be serious and hyper vigilant. Other parents are casual and free-range.
What kid do you have? What kind of parent are you? Have you adapted your parenting to the needs of your child? And, if you have more than one, have you adapted your parenting to the needs of each child? This is “stay in your lane parenting”
I can remember, long ago, before having kids, seeing a child misbehave and thinking “no child of mine is going to act like that.” Yeah, right. Being a parent was quite humbling, and far more difficult than I imagined.
It’s not helpful or fair to compare your child to any other child. Focus on your child and the parenting needed to maximize the behavior and well-being of your child. If you have more than one child, consider how your parenting needs to be adapted to the needs of each. Each child is in a different “lane” and your parenting needs to align with that “lane.” It is hard and it requires great focus.
Don’t look at the other children in the race. Practice stay in your lane parenting.
Dear Dr. Mac
If you would like to hear what I think about something, please send an email to: drcjmacgregor@outlook.com; I will respond via email or in this section of a future newsletter, or both. I hope to hear from you!
And, to Joyce, who often likes my posts, thank you! I will read what you sent about ultra-processed diets.