My life is overflowing with blessings, yet I often suffer from a deficiency of gratitude. I have lots of friends, plenty of money, great health, and meaningful things to do. But I focus instead on a short list of perceived problems. Is it possible I have too much for which to be thankful, my gratitude diffused across my innumerable blessings?
Note about the image: This is the collection of Lego’s at my house, acquired by my son and enjoyed for hours by our grandsons. Too much? They don’t think so.
My Mysterious Mind
What’s been rattling around in my mind these days? Oh, so much! I’ve been wondering why it seems easier for me to think about the short list of things I wish were different in my life rather than the abundance of my blessings. When I write down what I don’t like about my life there are only about seven entries. If I start thinking about the blessings in my life, there are more than I can contemplate. Which got me thinking about the possibility of a “diffusion of gratitude” problem.
A few decades ago, social psychologists identified a diffusion of responsibility problem where onlookers fail to help someone in need. A stranded motorist on a seldom-traveled road is more likely to get help from a passerby than a stranded motorist on a busy highway. The psychologists speculated the reason is that the responsibility to help is diffused across the available people to provide help. On a busy road, the people passing by think that someone else will stop to help. On an isolated road, someone traveling by realizes that, if they don’t stop, there isn’t likely to be someone else who will.
Rather than diffusion of responsibility, I wonder if my gratitude problem is due to having so many blessings. Perhaps total gratitude is divided between the various things for which to be grateful, with each blessing getting only a tiny bit of the available gratitude. With so much for which to be thankful, my thankfulness is disbursed, resulting in only a small amount for each of my blessings.
In contrast, my list of complaints is short. On any given day, I can only think of about seven things to lament. If diffusion of grumbliness is a thing, the amount of grumbliness divided across my complaints makes each imperfection seem like a big deal.
And then there’s the reality of cognitive load. Researchers have concluded that we can only hold about seven plus or minus two items in our working minds at the same time. If you have ever taken a memory test you realized that things start dropping off your mind as you try to cognitively hold more than the limit. If I read a list of words to you and asked you to remember them, you would only recall about seven, plus or minus two, of the list.
I can hold my entire list of complaints in my mind at the same time. I cannot think about all my blessings simultaneously because the total exceeds the five to nine limit of my mind. Memory researchers recommend the use of chunking, or grouping items, so as to hold more total things in active memory. Perhaps there’s a way to do that with our blessings and fight the diffusion of gratitude problem.
Message of Mystery Acres
It seems so much easier to be grateful when camping. I may only have one lawn chair in which to sit, but I am so grateful when I rest in it. The time for my visit is likely limited to just a day or two, and maybe a single night; my gratitude for each day and each night is deep and rich. To have my morning coffee, I bring along just enough supplies to make a single cup or two for each breakfast. I sip the contents with tremendous thankfulness at its warmth and flavor.
When it’s chilly, the comforting heat of a fire in the firepit sinks into my body, and, with it, a beautiful appreciation. Each meal, planned in advance of our visit, is precious and wonderful. At night, if the motorhome is cold, the sound of the furnace coming on is a beautiful thing; we won’t be too cold in the night. At day’s end, I collapse gratefully into the bed and get cozy under the blankets.
At home, the furnace runs without my noticing it. The refrigerator, freezer, and pantry are stuffed with food. The cabinets hold a variety of coffee supplies, and several flavors of creamer are in the fridge. There are at least two dozen places to sit and three extra beds beyond the one in which we regularly sleep.
There are fewer supplies for which to be thankful in the forest, yet my gratitude for each is large. Diffusion of gratitude isn’t a problem when camping, each blessing held in my mind commands a huge proportion of my attention. The message of Mystery Acres is one of gratitude for each blessing, for this blessing, whatever is the one right in front of me at this moment of this day. Can that awareness transfer to the non-camping days when the blessings are too abundant to simultaneously consider?
Ancient Mystery’s Voice
“Be thankful.” (Colossians 3:15b)
I hate to admit this, but being thankful is often hard for me. It is far easier to find things to complain about than it is to focus on things for which I am thankful. When I tried to find a Bible verse to diagnose my problem I was struck, instead, by the simple advice of Paul to the Colossian people. Here, in one of the shortest sentences in the Bible, Paul added “be thankful” to his letter.
Be thankful. It doesn’t matter if it’s hard or not, just do it.
I thought about the lives of ancient people compared to our modern lives. They had simple homes with fewer possessions and worked harder to have food, clothing, and shelter. Compared to them, we live like royalty. We move about in horseless transport. Our closets are overflowing with clothes and shoes we didn’t make. Our kitchens have ready-to-eat fresh and frozen foods, prepared in minutes. We likely own many books and a museum’s collection of music. In our hands, we have access to the knowledge of the world, past and present.
We live more like the rich man who had trouble entering the kingdom of heaven because to do so was like a camel going through the eye of a needle. I can’t help but think of my abundant possessions like a massive camel that is keeping me from fitting through the portal of thankfulness. To do so isn’t impossible, but it is extremely difficult.
Ancient Mystery’s Voice utters a simple, compelling directive to us in our lives of overflowing abundance. Be thankful. Our default tendency is to complain, taking our prosperity for granted, focusing instead on the miniscule inventory of imperfections. We need to fight the distraction of what we think is wrong with our lives, choosing instead to just be thankful.
Living in Mystery
What does it mean to live in the mystery of having too much, with gratitude diffused between the abundance of blessings? The answer is in the use of chunking, creating clusters of blessings to hold them all concurrently in one’s mind. I’ve decided to use a set of eight categories, all starting with the letter F. As I count my blessings, I move from one word to the next, pondering some of the many specific blessings within each grouping. The eight words I chose are Faith, Family, Friends, Finances, Fitness, Furnishings, Food, and Finery. I have room for these eight words in the “seven, plus or minus two,” limits of my mind.
Faith. My gratitude review starts with my relationship with the spiritual and the evidence of the Spirit in me. Do I have hope? Is my ability to love others fueled by a supernatural source? Am I patient? Can I find joy even in a tough situation? Am I part of a body of believers who encourage each other’s faith? Do I have a source of wisdom for complicated circumstances? As I review the workings of faith in my life, what evidence of God’s presence do I see?
Family. Each of us has been placed in a biological or adopted family and may also have been blessed with children and maybe even grandchildren or great-grandchildren. I take a moment and trace my family tree of people who came before me and consider those who arrived after me. Who are the people who knew me before I knew myself, caring for me as a dependent, helpless infant? What relatives have come into my life’s journey, to support me and guide me? Who are the younger family members who look to me for wisdom or encouragement? As I review the family into which I have been placed, what abundant blessings of relationships surround me?
Friends. In addition to our relatives, our lives have been filled with friends. Some of us have a life partner, such as a spouse, to be our best life friend. The chapters of our lives are filled with friends at school, in our neighborhoods, and at work or volunteer settings. Everywhere we look, there are people to know and to love and to share laughter. Some are friends for life and others just for a season. As I review the tapestry of people in my life, how many strands of friendship have been woven into my life?
Finances. Our modern lives are supported by a flow of money in and out of our hands. Such has been true every month of every year since before we were the ones earning the money or paying the bills. The love of money may be the root of many forms of evil, but the necessity of money is inescapable. And throughout our lives, money has been present to support our needs. Money pays for utilities, insurance, property taxes, and other modern infrastructure. As I review the revenue streams in and out of my accounts, the provision for my existence is profoundly and consistently clear.
Furnishings. None of us are living on the street without shelter and furniture. Within my home, how many places do I have to sit or to sleep? How many blankets and pillows fill the rooms? Are the walls bare or do they display pictures and artwork to decorate my shelter? Is the context in which I live kept at a comfortable temperature? As I write this, our region is experiencing record low high temperatures. Lying in bed last night I realized that I would die were it not for my home and the functional furnace. As I review the place in which I live, how much more do I have than I need?
Fitness. How is my body doing? When I ask myself this question, my thoughts turn to the inadequate level of exercise in my life. Shifting my focus, which of my five senses are working? Can I see, hear, smell, taste, and feel things? How is the functioning of my internal organs, such as my heart, lungs, and kidneys? Do I have all four limbs, and do they all function? Can I walk on my own? Do my fingers work on the keyboard? The fitness of my body is a good example of how my focus defaults to what is inadequate, when the glass is more than half full in terms of my body’s functions. As I consider my physical body, how much more is working than is not working?
Food. As a well-fed American, I have an abundance of food. Beyond that, my life is nourished by meaningful work and volunteer tasks. As I consider my “daily bread,” each day is full of good things to eat and important things to do. I am here to care for something or someone each day. I matter to them and that means my life matters, too. A review of what nourishes me reveals a rich supply of food and work.
Finery. My world is filled with so many fine things, stuff that is non-essential to my survival. I have clothes, shoes, jewelry, books, and music in excess. I drive one car and have an extra for winter weather. In addition to my phone and its capabilities, I have two laptop computers, three televisions, and a tablet. Sufficient money to feed myself and my husband, we also support the well-being of two four-legged companions. For hobbies, I have more options than my schedule allows me to enjoy. As I review the above-and-beyond blessings of my existence, my glass isn’t half full, it’s overflowing.
I can easily hold a short list of complaints in my mind, and I do so quite often. I pledge, and I encourage you to do the same, to focus on eight chunks of blessings. By filling my mind with thoughts of faith, family, friends, finances, furnishings, fitness, food, and finery, there will be little room left for complaints. My gratitude need not be divided and inconsequential; I can choose to be thankful.
Connecting with Mystery
Dear Lord of All Mystery, I confess to allowing my mind to be filled with complaints instead of gratitude. Help me to shift my focus to the categories of abundance in my life. Thank You for faith, family, friends, finances, furnishings, fitness, food, and finery. Remind me to ponder each of these chunks of blessings and push grumbly thoughts out of my mind. Amen.
Notes from Dr. Mac
If you want to do your own investigation of any of the scriptures I use, I suggest you go to Bible Gateway. This free online version of the Bible allows a search of words or phrases in various translations. I encourage you to meditate on Paul’s advice to “be thankful.”
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